Letting Anxiety In

Here’s my Substack post about the third big emotion I’m considering.

Although I referred to fear in my recent post about these big emotions, I’m going to use the word anxiety for my poem instead. Fear is the fight/flight/freeze instinctive animal reaction to either run as fast as possible away from, or to get ready to fight, an immediate and present danger. There are some very real dangers threatening us humans at present (climate, war, food security, AI and so on) though generally we do not view them, or experience them, as an immediate and present danger.

Anxiety is concerned with what might happen in the future, sometimes about the big stuff, often about really small things. It dwells on past experiences to help it outguess the future. and it can overdo this and we worry, ruminate, catastrophise and so on. Anxiety can have a long-term and debilitating effect that can really drain us and affect how we function. Mindfulness provides some key resources to help us deal with this, and a key principle remains getting stuff out into the open, rather than let it hide away in the shadows.

Part 1

Anxiety knocks at the door

No, they cry, go away, leave us alone

You make us worry too much

*

Anxiety keeps knocking at the door

They peer through the window and wonder

“Is this so bad”

*

Still Anxiety knocks

They anxious at meeting Anxiety

And yet they open the door, cautiously curious

And say “Come in”

*

Anxiety enters and they speak

Moving through the rooms chatting

Anxiety sits at the kitchen table

They make tea and offer cake

*

The more they talk with Anxiety

The more glad they are for the visit

The more they see how valuable this is

*

By letting Anxiety in

They allow their own anxiety to move through them

They learn to acknowledge it for what it is

Stories the mind makes up

In its attempts to keep us safe

*

Seeing this hurts and also cleanses

They feel so vulnerable

And yet so empowered

And also loved

*

They realise that by excluding Anxiety

They don’t give Anxiety the opportunity it offers

To be conscious about their fears

*

By opening to Anxiety

They open to the wisdom

That they have within

*

Hidden away

Until Anxiety enters

And holds hands with wisdom

When they can do magical things

Part 2

Anxiety knocks at the door

He’s already scared enough

He keeps the door locked and the curtains drawn

*

He keeps on worrying about

Work

And his health

And his marriage

It’s so wearying

*

He allows himself to feel the worry

Just a little

For what it is

Trying to help him

*

Sometimes he feels as if his Anxiety drives him to stay so safe

He never really deals with anything

*

He allows himself to feel the pain of this a little

Of a life lived in fear

Just as he had been scared as a child

About, well, everything

Just as his mum had worried

*

He walks through the house

And allows himself to remember how scared and worried he was

How he had to stay indoors while the other children were playing

*

He sits at the kitchen table

He drinks tea and eats his favourite childhood cake

*

He cries

And through the tears he takes some time with that little boy

And feels the pain of that anxiety

And regrets all the things he didn’t do

He feels this enough to feel some relief

*

He allows himself to feel what that little boy felt

He feels it all through his body

It hurts

He lets it hurt and he sobs

He lets the tears and snot flow

He’s vulnerable

*

And for once he doesn’t mind

He starts to feel cleansed

And, as he lets himself be vulnerable

There’s something else in there

Could it be love?

*

When he chose what he thought was being safe

There was no love, simply pain and something empty within

By opening to his Anxiety

And that which lies beneath

There’s still pain

That now he sees is the doorway

To his inner well of creativity

To taking some risks

To living his best possible life

*

He sees that Anxiety can become the doorway to doing stuff

He can acknowledge fear

And apply his inner wisdom

With care that is not so careful that it stops him

*

He reaches out and holds hands with

His Anxiety

His creativity

His purpose

His future

*

It won’t be the future he expected

And his Anxiety

Gives him opportunities

He never imagined