Letting Joy In
Here’s the fourth of my tour of the big emotions.
The final big emotion of this little tour is Joy, one I especially struggle with. I don’t think I’ve ever been depressed, certainly not clinically depressed, but I’ve always been aware of melancholia and a glass half empty view of life. For example, where others see a lovely day, I see the climate crisis; where others praise something or someone, I see more mixed motives.
I didn’t have anything traumatic happen when I was a child (apart from my birth, but that’s another story!!), but (as reflected in the poem) I believe my parents’ love was conditional, and I had to work hard to be “good” even though I had, and have, a mischievous side to me. So it’s hard to find simple contentment, though I’m getting better in my great old age!!
Please remember to put yourself in the shoes of the narrator, and be curious as to how the poem might apply to you; adapt it as much as you need to and that might be helpful for you when it comes to your relationship with Joy.
Part 1
Joy knocks at the door
No, they cry, go away, leave us alone
We don’t know how to be happy
And we need our grief, fear and anger
*
Joy keeps knocking at the door
They peer through the window and wonder
“Is this so bad”
*
Still Joy knocks
They open the door, cautiously curious
And say “Come in”
Joy enters and they speak
Moving through the rooms chatting
*
Joy sits at the kitchen table
They make tea and offer cake
*
The more they talk with Joy
The more glad they are for the visit
The more they see how valuable this is
*
By letting Joy in
They allow their own joy to move through them
They learn to acknowledge joy
*
Now they can see
It’s not permanent
It co-exists with grief, fear and anger
It doesn’t make things better
Seeing this hurts a bit, and also cleanses
They realise that Joy does allow acknowledgement of, and gratitude for, the small things
*
They feel vulnerable
And yet empowered
And loved
*
They realise that by excluding Joy
They don’t give Joy the opportunity it offers
To be conscious about their inner power
*
By opening to Joy
They open to the light
They have within
*
Hidden away
Until Joy enters
And holds hands with light
When they can do magical things
Part 2
Joy knocks at the door
He keeps the door locked and the curtains drawn
He doesn’t know how to be happy
Never has, never will
*
He is drawn instead to
His anxiety
His grief
His anger
It’s so wearying
*
Sometimes he feels out of control
Driven by anxiety, grief and anger
He never really deals with anything
*
He allows himself to glimpse
Just a little
What happiness might be like
*
He allows himself to feel the pain of being without joy
Of a life lived in darkness and gloom
Even as a child
He was told he was loved
But he had to work so hard to earn that love
He had to behave in a way that didn’t upset his parents
He had to be good
*
He walks through the house
And allows himself to remember how he had to get it right
Always the good little boy, while other children were being naughty
*
He sits at the kitchen table
He drinks tea and eats his favourite childhood cake
*
He cries
And through the tears he takes some time with that little boy
And feels the pain of earning that love
He feels this enough to feel some relief
*
He allows himself to feel what that little boy felt
He feels it all through his body
It hurts
*
He lets it hurt and he sobs
He lets the tears and snot flow
He’s vulnerable
*
And for once he doesn’t mind
He starts to feel cleansed
And, as he lets himself be vulnerable
There’s something else in there
Could it be love?
*
When he chose what he thought was doing the right thing
There was love
But with conditions
Leaving an emptiness within
*
By opening to his joy
There are still those other emotions
That now he sees as the doorway
To his inner well of unconditional love
*
He sees that Joy can become the doorway to doing stuff
For others
And for himself
With unconditional love and compassion
*
He reaches out and holds hands with
His Joy
His care and compassion
His creativity
His future
*
It won’t be the future he expected
And his Joy
Gives him opportunities
He never imagined
**
“A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson (as adapted for the Mindful Self-compassion course)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be?
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence (our loving connected presence) automatically liberates others
