Triggers

I'm triggered by you

That triggers me

I'm triggered

I'm lost

I'm dead

I see what you do

When that happens, I react

I notice and pause

I'm still standing

I'm present

I'm alive

Turn the trigger into noticing 

Don't be the victim 

Turn towards it

Embrace it

See what it has to teach you 

Be alive

***

I meet many people who’ve had traumatic and abusive childhood experiences, that have their effect way into adult life. From the perspective of mindfulness and self-compassion, this abuse needs to be seen in the light. This can allow the person to acknowledge it as a move towards shifting away from any self-blame they may be carrying. It’s such a bummer that all too often the child takes on the blame for what an adult has done to them. 

Instead they have the opportunity to be loving to that little child, and that allows them as the adult to shift away from being victim, and step more powerfully into life.

How often they use the word trigger, as do many other people about many different things. I hear it all that time. Just recently someone told me that they feel the trigger, that has its origins in childhood abuse, in real time.

I don’t disbelieve them, and I know them well enough to know something of their struggle. And I can see how this language helps by giving them an explanation for current feelings and behaviours that arise from way, way back. However, where I take issue with the therapeutic approach is when it allows someone to turn the explanation into a definition.

When someone pulls a trigger on a gun by definition someone will be hurt, someone will be the victim of that bullet. And I judge that, while using that word may be valuable as an explanation in the therapist’s chair, it is a hindrance in real life. It too quickly becomes a definition and an excuse and the person remains a victim to that definition and the language of triggers. 

If this is familiar to you I invite you to change the language. When you find yourself saying “trigger”, please make a conscious choice to notice, and change the language. You can acknowledge that an ancient experience can be behind a reaction. But instead of getting stuck there, you can learn to choose. When a reaction is nearby you can choose to acknowledge it, to thank it for trying to help you, and then you can change the behaviour.

Don’t be a victim to triggers. See them for what they are. You’re still standing. You are resilient. You are now a survivor of that abuse so long ago. And knowing that, you can move on to thrive in your best possible life as the person you are now.

John x