The danger of certainty; the freedom of uncertainty

Sez Kristiansen asks: What would happen if you stopped trying to secure yourself with certainty for just one moment? What might finally touch you if you allowed yourself not to know?

Two things this week inform my response to those questions.

One is that someone said to me that my “superpower is clarity” and I took that as the compliment it was intended to be. I can be very clear about what is happening around me, and actions I can choose to take or not take. I also know that this clarity can at times be experienced by others as a bit bullish, something that has served me in terms of getting stuff done, though I hope that hasn’t been too often at the expense of others.

This clarity can also be experienced by others as certainty, and what they don’t see (except when I let them in very close indeed) is the basin of self-doubt, self- criticism that drips away pretty much all the time. And that basin has at times prevented me from getting stuff done, sometimes because I’m trying so hard not to trample on the opinions of others, sometimes because I can be easily swayed by the opinions of others (they must be right because…) and sometimes that has moved me away from getting stuff done. 

Such self-doubt can be a real hindrance to me and others when it presses in too much, and too critically, and prevents someone from being their best possible self. And mindfulness and self-compassion has helped me see that (from the perspective of no bad parts) it can be a real help when I listen to it, and consider what it’s trying to teach me. Then, I hope, I can make better decisions that take appropriate account of those who will be impacted by those decisions to do, or not do, something.

Also this week a friend of mine told me that he’s feeling more confident about something that’s been troubling him because he “feels” it. I’m pleased for him, and I didn’t agree with him then, and the more I’ve reflected on that comment the more it troubles me. One reason for that is that I judge that as soon as a “feeling” is implied or required as a necessary experience to be something, it can exclude others who don’t have that feeling. They might even have a sense of failure if they believe they need the feeling and haven’t had it.

It’s also true that history is littered with people who “felt” their convictions so much, and with such certainty, that they believed to the point of knowing that their convictions were right. And that all too often sets up conflict because those over here who know they are right stand against those over there who know they are right; and that gets worse when one of those believes and feels that their conviction has to be imposed on others.

At a geo-political level I see all that imposition being acted out pretty much wherever I look, and it’s also scarily present here in the UK (along with many other countries) with the rise of the ultra-Right. And at a personal level it can so easily pop up when one person states their view so strongly, and without thought for its impact, that others are seriously affected and either get scared away, or react against, and off we go again. I judge that our world and our lives are all the more dangerous because of such convictions coming from a place of felt certainty.

So to go back to Sez’s questions that started all this my single word answer to both is freedom. I do not need certainty, I do not need to know, to understand, and letting go of such needs, and dropping from head to heart as I surrender into not knowing, is really liberating, like the blank canvas in the image that goes with this blog. My mind is of course reacting and doesn’t like this at all, so turning to heart remains work in progress - no, not work, liberation in progress!!