Mindful Self-compassion is a Way of Life (Not Just Another Course)
One of the things I come back to again and again in my work is this simple truth:
The most valuable things in life are rarely complicated – but they do ask us to practice. The Mindful Self-compassion approach that I teach and use as the basis for my Wellbeing Coaching is very simple and calls for us to
Mindfully be aware of what’s happening and
Apply kindness instead of the reactive way of being that we’ve learned since we were born.
It isn’t just a set of techniques. It’s an approach to life – a way of thinking, seeing, and relating to yourself and others. There are clear principles behind it, and those principles are actually quite easy to summarise. The real challenge is not understanding the ideas; the real challenge is living them, moment by moment.
Principles vs Practice
If we treated this approach purely as an intellectual topic leading to a certificate I could probably teach you the basics in about an hour. I’d use a slide show, talk you through the topic, answer your questions and there we are - done! I’d simply walk you through the principles:
How compassion works with mindfulness
How we can relate to our thoughts and feelings differently
How we can soften reactivity and grow insight.
But that’s simply the “head” part; it’s valuable, but it’s not enough. The reason the course runs over eight weeks, with sessions of around two and a half hours, is because information alone doesn’t make anything stick. If we want real change, we need to build new habits and unlearn old ones. That’s where practice comes in.
Why the Course Is Eight Weeks Long
The structure of the course is designed to turn these ideas into lived experience. Over those eight weeks we cover a lot of ground:
We look at the principles behind compassion and mindfulness, and we explore them using compassion and mindfulness
We look at what goes on in our mind and nervous system
We look at why we are so quick to react
We look at why we get stuck in certain patterns
We learn how to pause and create space
We build the practice by gently repeating and revisiting the tools
We check in about how it’s going in daily life.
People often say to me partway through or after a course “I love this… but I keep forgetting to do it”; one man has come back several times and still jokes “I forgot!”. In response, we normalise that by acknowledging that everyone forgets and often has to begin again. However I also say to everyone that I can’t follow you around. The bit you have to do for yourself is practice, practice and, um, practice. It’s exactly the same as going to the gym, and not doing any exercise in between!
The course gives you guidance, encouragement and structure, but at some point the steering wheel really does pass to you.
Two Kinds of Practice have two main forms:
Meditative Practices
These are the guided exercises we do in the sessions, and I record them so you can use them at home too. The evidence is that meditation really does have a beneficial effect as long as it’s done regularly. We need a rhythm that works for us. For you
That might be in the morning and/or in the evening
It might be for five minutes or fifty minutes
It might include listening to my recordings and/or those of someone else and/or times of silence
It might come naturally
It might be really tricky, in which case please at least start each day even if you don’t finish (this starts to create a healthy habit).
I’ll encourage you to find a rhythm that fits your life so that, with these practices, you can become familiar with a different way of relating to your thoughts, emotions, and body. In our mental and emotional gym they provide small, regular sessions that build strength over time.
In-the-Moment Practices
It’s one thing to feel calm and centred when you’re sitting quietly with a guided meditation; it’s another thing entirely to remember to practice in the moment. However all the practices can be, well, practiced in meditations and in everyday life such as:
In the middle of a stressful meeting
When someone says something and you feel a reaction
When your inner critic is shouting
When you’re tired, overwhelmed, or afraid.
You might do a lovely practice in the morning… and then shut the notebook, turn off the audio, go to work – and carry on exactly as before. So a big part of the course is simply helping you remember to use your tools when it matters:
Noticing when you’re getting hooked
Pausing before reacting
Bringing kindness into a harsh inner dialogue
Taking one compassionate breath instead of spiralling
Remembering that “bringing it into real life” is the heart of the work.
Tools for Life, Not a Temporary Fix
When you really engage with this approach, what you’re developing isn’t a temporary coping strategy. You’re developing tools for life. These tools help you:
To keep learning from your experiences
To keep noticing your patterns instead of being run by them
To keep choosing kindness over harshness
To keep coming back to presence when you’ve drifted off into worry or rumination.
You don’t have to become perfect - you won’t – and neither will I - though you can keep getting better at being the best version of yourself, someone who is:
More aware
More grounded
And kinder.
And then you keep going. You keep developing. You keep learning. You keep being mindful. You keep being kind. Off we go….
If you’re curious about my Wellbeing Coaching, or the eight-week Mindful self-compassion course, and how these tools might support you, you’re very welcome to reach out. The principles are simple. The practice is ongoing. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Thanks for reading.
John
