Letting Grief In
Here’s more about grief and an opportunity to make the poem personal…
I’m staying with the theme of grief because last weekend I helped facilitate a group of older men exploring our grief. We created a safe space for what is known as grief-tending, and invited the men to step in and share.
The first man to do so went very deep and he shouted and he sobbed, especially as we held him when I could feel the relief flowing through him. This was the first time he had shared his grief, and been witnessed, and to be held was very powerful.
Other men also took the opportunity to speak and be witnessed, and in each case there were at least some tears, a sense of release, and again the relief at being able to share this in safety.
If you are aware of grief that you have not allowed to flow, and that has not been witnessed, I encourage you to find a safe space to do so. Search on the web for grief-tending and various options will appear. Reach out to me if you wish for any support I can give.
The poem has two parts: a fairly generic part in which “they” can be anyone, and the second part about a mother dealing with the death of her son. I invite you to insert your own situation into the second part, and read it as “I” rather than “she” and see what happens. Remember please that grief is not limited to the death of a person; grief is present at any sort of “loss”, a change in life, a relationship challenge, the state of the world, and so on….
Part 1
Grief knocks at the door
No, they cry, go away, leave us alone
*
Grief keeps knocking at the door
They peer through the window and wonder
“Is this so bad”
*
Still grief knocks
They open the door, cautiously curious
And say ”Come in”
*
Grief enters and they speak
Moving through the rooms chatting
Grief sits at the kitchen table
They make tea and offer cake
*
The more they talk with Grief
The more glad they are for the visit
The more they see how valuable this is
*
By letting Grief in
They allow their own grief to move through them
*
They learn to cry, with tears and snot
This hurts and also cleanses
*
They feel so vulnerable
And yet so loved
*
They realise that by excluding Grief
They also close to the compassion
That always accompanies Grief
*
By opening to Grief
They open to the compassion
That they have within
*
Hidden away
Until Grief enters
And holds hands with compassion
Part 2
She feels her grief
Yet she blocks it out, she must be strong
*
And yet, her son is dead
Is it so bad, so weak, to feel the pain of his death?
*
She allows herself to feel it a little
She cries enough to feel her grief to be more present
*
She walks through the house
Seeing and feeling the memories each room holds
She sits at the kitchen table
She drinks tea and eats his favourite cake
*
She cries some more
Enough to feel some relief
Enough to start to value grief
*
She feels the grief all through her body
It hurts
She lets it hurt and she sobs
She lets the tears and snot flow
She is vulnerable
She doesn’t mind
*
She starts to feel cleansed
And, as she lets herself be vulnerable
There’s something else in there
Could it be love?
*
When she chose what she thought was being strong
There was no love, simply pain and something cold within
*
By opening to her grief
There’s still pain
That now she sees is the doorway
To her inner well of love
*
She reaches out and holds hands with
Her grief
Her love
Her future
*
It won’t be the future she expected
And her son, her grieving for her son,
Gives her opportunities
She never imagined
