Funeral Questions and Answers
Funeral Questions Answered
Introduction
I’m using this blog to pull together my answers to a number of questions that people want to know when they need to arrange a funeral for a family member or friend who has died.
What is a Funeral Celebrant?
When a relative or friend dies you need a Funeral at which you experience grief as you let go of the person who’s died; and joy, as you celebrate the person and what they’ve done, and given. This needs to be as personal as possible, including some humour, to keep the memories real and alive in your heart, and to help you move on without this person in your life.
A Funeral Celebrant knows how to pull all this together and create an event that will allow you to grieve as you say “Goodbye” and celebrate the person’s life as you say “Thank you”. There will be tears and smiles.
What does a Funeral Celebrant do? How do they go about this role?
For this section I’ll tell you what I do. The family will probably contact me by telephone and if that goes well I’ll arrange to meet them as soon as possible, hopefully in person, though online if absolutely necessary. At that meeting I’ll ask about the person who has died, so I can get a picture of their life story, key events, and an anecdote or two; hopefully at least one of these will give those attending the Funeral the opportunity to laugh or at least smile at a happy memory.
I’ll also talk them through the service and ask if they have any special requests such as pieces of music, readings and possibly a hymn or two if they’d like that. I’ll ask if any family or friends would like to say something, or read something. Once I’m home I’ll create a service that puts all this together and get that agreed; if the family wants that to be nicely designed and printed they will make their own arrangements for that, possibly with the support of the Funeral Director. I might liaise with the Funeral Director or the Crematorium/Cemetery about music and other practical matters, or the family might do that themselves.
Then at the Funeral I take the service that’s been agreed, gently guiding everyone through from the beginning to the goodbye at the committal or the burial, and then bring things to a conclusion; I’ll include a talk, or comments, about the person who has died.
What’s the difference between the Funeral Celebrant and the Funeral Director?
The Funeral Director, colloquially known as the undertaker, receives and prepares the body ready for the Funeral, makes all the necessary legal and practical arrangements required before a body is cremated or buried, including the provision of the coffin and liaising with the crematorium/cemetery about the date and time for the Funeral, and then brings the body to the crematorium/cemetery, and possibly the family if they want to come in the Funeral Director’s cars.
That’s when the Funeral Celebrant takes over and accompanies the coffin into the chapel or other room that’s being used for the Funeral, conducts the service, greets the participants, and then hands back to the Funeral Director to ensure that all the practical matters have been completed in a satisfactory manner, and possibly to take the family home or to wherever they might be holding the reception, sometimes known as the wake.
There are alternative approaches as regards those legal and practical arrangements, though I won’t discuss those here.
Can a Funeral Celebrant take a service that is non‑religious, semi‑religious or humanist?
Yes. In my case I weave my experience together with what the family wants and with what the person who has died would want. If wanted I will create a religious service, or I can create any other style or approach following the lead of the family. The importance is to create a funeral that means something to those attending. And if in some way the person who has died is listening in, I’d like to think that they too will be pleased as they in turn let go of their human life.
Do I need a Funeral Celebrant, or can we just use a minister/family member?
No and yes! There is no requirement even to have a Funeral, never mind pay someone to be the celebrant. You can simply attend at the crematorium/cemetery as the staff there do what they do to dispose of the body.
I believe that a Funeral is an important, if not essential, practice to give family and friends a formal, ritual opportunity to say goodbye and celebrate the life of the person who has died. This can be led by a minister, though they would normally expect to conduct a religious service; it can also be led by a family member, though they might need to take care of their own emotions and needs. A Funeral Celebrant will bring the right experience and the necessary emotional distance, to provide just the right service.
Will the funeral celebrant help us plan the order of service and write the eulogy? What does a celebrant-led funeral look like?
Yes, I'll help you plan the service.
I can speak on your behalf if you like about the person who’s died, though if you’d prefer to deliver your own eulogy that’s much more personal and I’d encourage you to do it in your own way and in your own words. I could look through it for you and I could stand beside you ready to take over if it got too emotional for you.
There’s a welcome and introduction followed by a mixture of songs/music (if wanted) readings and the eulogy from someone or reflections from me. Then there’s something called the Commendation and Farewell when we send the person on their way, followed by the Committal when the coffin is removed from sight for the cremation, or buried. Then perhaps a final song and a Blessing/ending piece.
How much does a funeral celebrant cost, and who pays them?
My fee is normally £250, possibly plus travel expenses (concessions available) and I can be paid directly or via the Funeral Director.
What training or qualifications do funeral celebrants have, and are they certified?
There is no formal certification, though I have 45 years experience of taking funerals, and I am recognised by the Association of Independent Celebrants.
How do I choose the right funeral celebrant for my family?
You need to do some homework to make sure you’re confident that whoever you choose will provide what you need and want. Ideally for you you’d talk to two or three, though when someone has died and emotions are very present, if you feel good with the first call, then I’d advise that you work with him or her.
I hope this helps and if you’d like to know anything else do please get in touch.
